[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.3s] So as you head down the corridor, light shines out ahead.
[7.2s] Hello there! Excuse my manners. My name is Taraz the Fair, and who are you?
[13.0s] He extends a hand.
[14.4s] And I gladly shake it.
[15.6s] Thea, you see a line of what looks like sand or salt.
[20.1s] Flynn, wait!
[20.8s] I have to ask, Taraz. What's with the salt on the floor?
[23.5s] I've been trapped here for quite some time.
[27.1s] So what you're saying is you're not going to let me out then?
[30.8s] I mean, it really doesn't seem like we should.
[34.2s] I really don't feel like I want to. Like I want to find my owl, but good gravy.
[39.9s] And I mean, Taraz, we got a real big, like,
[43.2s] demon dragon queen to worry about.
[45.6s] What did I tell you? Those demons, they are just the shits.
[49.0s] I mean, you heard it here first.
[51.3s] You know what? If we need your help, maybe we'll come back and let you out.
[54.4s] Ah, pleasure to meet you, dear Thea.
[57.4s] It's Thea.
[58.6s] That's what I said.
[59.9s] I'll pile into the teleportation circle and you find yourselves back in the sundial room.
[67.2s] You run towards the city.
[69.9s] You see a large blue dragon and three red dragons swooping and burning up the city.
[76.5s] And then you look off to the south and you see a red dragon swooping.
[81.9s] And you hear a call and you see guacamole swoop towards the dragon's face
[89.4s] and dig her claws into its open eye.
[93.0s] That's my girl.
[95.1s] Hashtag fail guac.
[98.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[99.9s] We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast.
[102.6s] And I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[104.2s] And with me today is Amy More.
[105.9s] I'm Amy More.
[106.9s] You just said that.
[107.7s] I play Thea Amastasia.
[109.9s] And Carla Johnson.
[111.6s] And I play new Laura Moonbrook.
[113.4s] And Tom Laird.
[114.7s] And I play Flintfire Beard.
[117.4s] Look how short that was compared to last week's episode.
[121.0s] Don't worry.
[121.7s] Let's just keep going with it.
[123.0s] Oh, yeah.
[125.4s] For more of these short intro episodes,
[129.5s] you can join us on Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[133.1s] Well, yeah, and listen to what we have going on there because we don't even do intros.
[137.4s] No, there is an intro free zone.
[140.1s] Yeah, it's an intro free zone where we just jump in because you know who we are
[143.8s] and we just want to bring you the goods, the entertainment value.
[148.0s] Here we like to dick you around a little.
[150.9s] Consistently tell you our names and our characters like you're sort of an idiot.
[155.6s] It's for people.
[156.5s] I know, but it's for people.
[158.7s] Every episode is somebody's first episode.
[161.0s] That's right.
[162.1s] That's true.
[162.6s] They're probably like, who are these ding-dongs?
[164.4s] You know what?
[165.4s] Who are these doinks?
[166.4s] Who's been listening to us for now, 59 episodes.
[169.8s] They're going to go and be like, this episode was the absolute best episode.
[173.4s] Because they didn't dick us around.
[175.5s] Because they didn't dick us around.
[177.0s] And then they're going to go share it with their friend.
[179.0s] And their friend's going to listen to it and be like, wow,
[180.5s] they did not dick you around at the beginning.
[183.1s] And we did not.
[184.3s] Not like those other podcasts, am I right?
[186.4s] Listen to episode 58.
[189.5s] Like they talked about murder and how to avoid it for a good portion of the episode.
[194.7s] Yep. Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
[197.9s] But don't worry, they'll go back to episode one by that point.
[200.5s] And 58 will be just they'll be into it.
[202.5s] Oh, and they'll get to hear our terrible audio in episode one.
[206.6s] So bad.
[207.3s] So bad.
[208.0s] Yeah.
[208.6s] Sorry about that.
[209.3s] I mean, I try not to talk about it because every podcast is like,
[212.9s] just be kind to our first few episodes.
[215.1s] It's like, you know what?
[216.6s] Listen to a new one.
[217.8s] See where we're at.
[218.7s] Listen to an old one.
[219.9s] I mean, we figure it out pretty quick.
[222.2s] But yeah, that first one is not great.
[225.4s] Yeah, it's fun, though.
[227.6s] Oh, yeah.
[228.0s] It has some fun.
[229.0s] It has it has our daughter in there singing like jingle bells or something in the background.
[234.9s] Amy stops and makes a sandwich at some point.
[239.7s] Sounds like me.
[240.6s] It's like you're around the table with us.
[243.0s] Right.
[244.1s] I think I was making lunch for our child.
[246.7s] Yeah, absolutely.
[247.6s] Yep.
[248.6s] It was just an awkward time because we were in Korea.
[251.2s] So it was like midday.
[252.7s] It was always lunchtime.
[253.9s] Yeah, I wasn't I wasn't able to drink.
[257.6s] No, there was no drink.
[258.5s] Like, I mean, I could.
[260.2s] Well, sure.
[260.7s] Yeah, it was a weekend.
[262.2s] It's fine.
[263.4s] Oh, wait, we're dicking people around.
[265.2s] Back on task.
[265.9s] I know we started doing it.
[267.3s] Oh, we can't even stop.
[269.0s] I'm so sorry.
[270.0s] Sorry.
[270.7s] Sorry about that.
[271.4s] Anyways, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast for for just a dollar a month.
[275.0s] You get those sweet bonus episodes.
[276.3s] Two dollars.
[276.8s] You get to hang out with us once a month with those sweet, sweet gook hangs.
[280.6s] Oh, yeah.
[282.0s] And every episode is dedicated to a lovely patron.
[284.9s] And today's patron is the one and only ALex McClure.
[288.8s] ALex, you might recognize her from such films as.
[295.7s] Insert some funny Simpsons things.
[297.8s] All right.
[298.1s] Great Simpsons, Simpsons, Simpsons dark side.
[301.2s] Yeah, yeah, close enough.
[303.9s] Thanks, ALex.
[304.6s] You rock.
[306.4s] You do.
[306.8s] It's true.
[307.4s] So so let's get right into it because there's some action happening.
[311.3s] Oh, she's going down.
[312.4s] I mean, you guys have been stuck in a maze for 12 episodes, but it has been.
[316.2s] Has it actually been 12?
[318.6s] I think it's been pretty close because that seems like the right number.
[323.6s] I guess now we know that time was passing on the outside.
[326.6s] Remember, I feel like at some point we discussed like
[329.0s] because we were in these weird like portal and the time loop.
[331.7s] Maybe no time had passed.
[333.1s] Sometimes it's not looking good out here.
[336.2s] However, dragons can destroy shit in a very short period of time.
[340.7s] You know what?
[341.2s] You're right.
[341.9s] Especially when there's what?
[343.4s] Four of them.
[345.1s] You arrived at Zanthal's Tower in episode 47.
[349.4s] It is now episode 59.
[351.1s] So 12 episodes.
[352.2s] There we go.
[352.6s] That was a nice guess that I had.
[354.2s] That was a good guess, Ross.
[355.8s] Yep.
[357.0s] Okay.
[358.6s] Well, let's all feel bad about ourselves for just a moment here.
[361.0s] As well we should.
[363.4s] Did I say it?
[364.6s] Fuck it.
[364.9s] Let's play D&D.
[366.2s] You did not say it.
[367.5s] You didn't.
[367.9s] I almost jumped right in.
[369.0s] That was crazy.
[371.8s] He would have edited it and posted it.
[373.8s] This doesn't feel right.
[374.7s] You guys would have been like an awkward voicing to like.
[380.0s] Fuck it.
[380.5s] Let's play.
[381.4s] Let's play D&D.
[385.0s] A E I O U.
[388.2s] That's suitably creepy.
[390.2s] Yeah.
[390.6s] Thank you for that, Dane.
[392.5s] Thanks.
[394.2s] They didn't know it was Dane Cook.
[395.8s] I didn't think I didn't know.
[397.3s] Dane could have just been a cute nickname.
[399.1s] I mean, now that you mentioned it, I remember the speaking spell bit.
[402.0s] So yeah, totally.
[402.7s] Yeah.
[403.0s] But I didn't put two and two together.
[405.1s] All right.
[405.4s] Well, I will edit it out and see if I get called out on Twitter.
[407.7s] Right.
[408.0s] Okay.
[408.4s] Just put a big like over top of this past part of the conversation.
[412.5s] Sure.
[412.8s] Yeah.
[413.0s] That'll be really great to listen to.
[415.5s] Perfect.
[415.9s] Be like our episode one audio.
[420.6s] So you made it out of the maze,
[422.2s] but you made it out and there was some things happening.
[425.0s] Uh, you were greeted by the terrible sound of villagers screaming, a dragon roaring,
[433.9s] lightning bolts and flames tearing houses to splinters and light setting them ablaze.
[440.1s] You saw a blue dragon who knew Laura and Thea recognized as Lennathan,
[448.1s] the blue dragon you fought when you were brand new baby adventurers back in Greenest.
[453.8s] We didn't even fight him.
[456.4s] I mean.
[456.6s] We just ran from him, didn't we?
[458.2s] No, he was attacking the town of Greenest and you guys stepped up and.
[461.8s] That was like our first big adventure.
[464.3s] This was before the podcast.
[465.5s] So don't go back and listen to episode one because it's not going to be there.
[467.9s] This is like episode negative 87.
[472.7s] Wow.
[473.1s] That is a long ways back in the catalog.
[475.4s] Yeah, it really feels like, like it's hard to.
[478.6s] Remember what happened last episode?
[480.4s] Yes, I do.
[481.3s] Yeah.
[481.9s] Nevermind before you guys left the country most joyously.
[486.7s] And what probably caused everybody to cheer out loud as they were listening
[490.8s] is the return of guacamole as she struck into one of the red dragon's eyes as it
[496.3s] was lighting ablaze houses within the city.
[502.0s] I yell, that's my girl.
[504.2s] And she.
[505.2s] I mean, we really need to fact check what owls do here.
[512.7s] Yeah, I'll put it in a sound effect.
[514.2s] It'll be fine.
[514.7s] Make it majestic, kind of like a trill.
[517.0s] Not like Thea's schlorping.
[519.0s] Yeah.
[521.8s] I forgot about the schlorping.
[523.4s] I mean, you heard it here first.
[526.4s] What do you guys do?
[530.2s] I think I'm not acting with my brain.
[533.3s] I think I'm going straight with my heart and I start to gallop.
[539.3s] Yeah, you're a wolf.
[539.8s] Wolf around.
[540.3s] Yeah, that makes sense.
[541.0s] I don't know.
[541.8s] Yeah.
[542.2s] Toward like underneath where guacamole would be like.
[547.8s] Okay.
[548.2s] She's quite a ways away into the city.
[550.0s] So are you going?
[550.9s] I'm running for her and I yell, guac, I'm coming for you, baby.
[554.0s] So Thea takes off at full wolf run.
[556.3s] Flamikins grabs hold of her fur and leaps up on top of her.
[560.7s] Fucking riding me again.
[561.7s] Let's ride, motherfucker.
[565.6s] I don't even notice.
[566.9s] I'm just like single-minded.
[569.1s] You're just so in it.
[571.1s] Is it just the dragons?
[573.7s] I don't mean that the way it sounds, but there's no like ground troops, just the dragons.
[578.7s] From your position, you see no ground troops, only the swooping dragons.
[583.0s] And there are four of them, three red and the one blue.
[586.2s] So is anyone riding them?
[587.6s] Do we see any?
[588.4s] There appeared to be no riders on them.
[590.6s] Okay.
[591.4s] Okay.
[591.9s] Well, I mean, it's hard to fight dragons when they're flying.
[595.5s] This is the trouble.
[596.5s] This is one of the many troubles with dragons, you guys.
[599.4s] I look around and see if there are like people that need help getting to safety or like,
[605.6s] I mean, we're going to like jump into action, right?
[608.5s] So whatever seems conceivable to do.
[611.6s] Okay.
[612.2s] So we'll say Thea takes off Flamikins, pops onto her back.
[616.4s] Flint, Nularaaaa and Thaddeus take off following.
[620.2s] You get to what looks like the main street and you have the blue dragon,
[626.6s] we'll say to the north, to your right.
[629.6s] And Thea is taking off down the main street towards one of the red dragons
[633.8s] and where Guacamole is to the left.
[636.2s] The three of you, Flint, Thaddeus and Nularaaaa, which way do you go?
[641.4s] Do you follow Thea or do you go towards the blue dragon?
[644.4s] Is the blue the largest dragon?
[646.1s] Like, is it seem like the most imminent threat?
[650.2s] Or is it just the one that's different?
[651.8s] Yes, it looks like the largest.
[655.2s] Russ, can I roll a history check to see what, if I know anything
[661.4s] that maybe the blue dragon mask might be able to help us
[664.4s] in a situation involving a blue dragon?
[666.4s] Oh, hey, hey there.
[669.1s] Good thinking.
[670.1s] Sure.
[670.7s] Clever.
[671.4s] Yeah.
[672.1s] I'd already forgotten we had the blue dragon mask.
[674.0s] All right, so that's a 28.
[675.4s] Me too.
[676.6s] Holy shit.
[678.6s] Well then.
[679.6s] Yes, so you know that the blue dragon mask has powers with a 28
[686.2s] or whatever the fuck you roll.
[688.3s] You know that each dragon mask, there is one for every chromatic dragon,
[695.9s] gives its wearer or should give its wearer the power of the dragon's breath.
[703.6s] For blue, it would be a lightning breath.
[705.4s] For black, it would be acid and so on and so forth.
[708.4s] Oh, OK.
[708.9s] So it doesn't like maybe help us like take control of said dragon.
[714.7s] Just gives dragon powers.
[715.9s] OK.
[716.5s] Not that you are aware of it, but yeah, it would give the bearer
[721.0s] some of the powers of the dragon's color.
[724.5s] You got this, you have this new information or you have this information that you know.
[728.1s] What are you doing?
[730.1s] I have the stats on lightning breath here somewhere
[732.0s] because I actually do have that ability as a theme of your book.
[736.0s] How far does it go?
[738.0s] Like, how far does the cone go?
[739.9s] You get it to work.
[740.8s] It's going to be farther than the one you do being of your descent.
[747.0s] More like the dragon that's in front of you.
[749.2s] You see it unfurl a lightning breath into a set of buildings.
[756.5s] And maybe to help make your decision,
[758.4s] you see down at the end of the way towards the red dragon where Thea is,
[761.8s] there is a family in a building and they look huddled towards one of the doors
[770.2s] as the red dragon is being attacked and another one is swooping down towards that.
[775.8s] All right.
[776.2s] Am I able to unleash this lightning breath towards that swooping red dragon?
[781.1s] You most certainly can try.
[783.6s] Excellent.
[785.2s] What do I need to roll?
[786.6s] What do I need to roll, Russ?
[788.9s] Explain to me what you do with this mask to try and get it to work.
[792.7s] I essentially hold it up to my face as I'm running and put it on my face
[799.6s] because I assume any mask, if you were to attach it to your face,
[805.8s] that should be the way to go, right?
[807.7s] Yeah.
[809.3s] And you're running in that direction, yes?
[811.2s] Yes.
[812.5s] And Ulara, you are running in the direction as well?
[816.1s] You betcha.
[816.8s] So everybody begins running and following down behind Thea.
[820.1s] Flint is putting the mask to its face, trying to find a way to activate it
[826.5s] and make a arcana check.
[831.4s] Okay.
[833.3s] Does anyone else feel like he's going to have this power but not be able to wield it
[837.6s] and it's going to come shooting out kind of like a fireman's hose?
[841.3s] And it's going to be all over the place.
[845.3s] That's a 14.
[846.8s] So you put it to your face and are trying to find a way to activate it,
[850.9s] but you don't seem to make it work.
[854.3s] Okay.
[855.0s] It doesn't appear to activate for you.
[858.7s] So you continue running down trying to find a way to do this
[862.6s] and you get about three quarters of the way down.
[865.3s] Are you done?
[869.2s] I mean, obviously she isn't.
[871.4s] I know, it's still happening.
[873.8s] Jesus, I'm sorry.
[874.7s] Don't apologize to Jesus.
[878.5s] He doesn't want to hear it anymore.
[882.5s] Yes, yes, you're sorry.
[885.9s] Oh my God.
[886.8s] I'm sorry.
[887.3s] I'm just getting like the, I just-
[889.3s] I know, as I'm like struggling to put this fucking mask on my face.
[892.5s] Like you're running and you're yelling like, activate!
[897.0s] Why won't you work?
[898.2s] Lightning breath!
[900.1s] Or you're just like, ah!
[903.8s] I'm sorry.
[905.7s] I love it.
[906.2s] There's debris everywhere.
[907.5s] It's amazing he doesn't just trip.
[910.3s] It's pretty incredible.
[911.2s] Well, I got a low center of gravity.
[912.6s] I'm pretty sturdy.
[913.4s] That's true.
[914.0s] That's true.
[914.5s] I'm sorry about that.
[915.4s] Okay, so by this point,
[917.5s] Thea, you've made it down to the door where this family is.
[921.8s] Flint and Thaddeus are about three quarters of the way.
[927.0s] Thaddeus and Flint make a perception check.
[929.5s] I'll make Thaddeuses.
[930.6s] That is a 13 for Flint.
[935.8s] He got 13 as well.
[937.1s] So you guys look and you're still focused on this family,
[941.7s] but you look and you see Nulara has stopped.
[944.1s] She's not behind you anymore.
[946.7s] Nulara, you are standing,
[949.3s] we'll say 150 feet back down the street,
[953.5s] looking at this scene as your friends are rushing towards this building.
[957.1s] You begin to get deja vu.
[963.4s] You recognize the events that are occurring
[967.3s] and you are in a,
[969.8s] what you recognize as a medium to large size town
[973.5s] that is going up in flames.
[976.4s] Crazy.
[977.3s] And you're looking around trying to see signs on buildings
[980.6s] and one that says Sheriff's Office,
[982.6s] another the Brandy Bear Inn
[985.1s] and another in big letters that says the Riteanna Panda Hut
[989.0s] is coming soon to Zanthal's Tower as it falls from the sign.
[998.9s] Red dragon swoops overhead and a massive flame
[1003.9s] explodes a building to your right.
[1007.1s] And you look to the sky and see that there are these three other dragons soaring above
[1012.2s] and whatever is happening here,
[1014.1s] you now know as you have seen this before doesn't end well.
[1019.1s] You hear a call from down at the end of the street.
[1022.6s] Nulara!
[1023.6s] And you see Flint and Thea rushing towards a burning building
[1028.1s] with the family huddled outside.
[1031.1s] Thaddeus, protect them!
[1033.0s] You begin to run towards them and as they get to the building
[1037.8s] another red dragon swoops in from behind it
[1040.6s] and the building explodes out in a fiery blaze knocking you back
[1046.7s] and you hit your head on the ground.
[1050.9s] You are dazed for the moment.
[1055.2s] Flint, Thea, Thaddeus and Flamikins,
[1059.4s] you find yourselves covered in smoke and rubble but it's not touching you.
[1066.0s] There is an invisible field protecting you
[1073.4s] and as the rubble falls towards the ground you have made it to the family
[1078.9s] and you see Thaddeus holding up his hands.
[1083.0s] They're glowing with divine power as he protects you from this huge explosion.
[1089.6s] You turn and you see Lanathin down the street and he says to you,
[1099.6s] The mask, you fools!
[1101.8s] The mask is what I've come for.
[1104.2s] Give it to me and I'll leave these crawling ants with their miserable lives.
[1109.0s] The Queen is returning.
[1111.5s] Who are you to hope to stop her?
[1114.2s] Give me the mask!
[1121.4s] We're just like dumbfounded.
[1122.9s] I'm dazed.
[1124.9s] That's true, she has an excuse.
[1129.2s] You can pry it from her cold dead hands, you scaly motherfucker!
[1134.1s] You see in his mouth the blue energy of lightning begin to
[1141.6s] form as you see a ball of lightning about to emerge when you hear
[1150.5s] the loudest roar you've ever heard come from off in the distance
[1157.0s] as Lanathin, amid all the chaos, is struck down by a gold dragon
[1164.3s] that you recognize as Protanther.
[1171.5s] He knocks him to the ground and begins tearing at his wings.
[1176.1s] The other dragons are soon attacked by other gold dragons who have come in
[1181.2s] and they are chased off over the hills.
[1185.2s] Lanathin manages to scramble out from underneath Protanther,
[1191.0s] bleeding very badly but has the ability to fly off
[1196.3s] as Protanther swoops around the city and lands down in front of you.
[1202.0s] Oh my god, are we glad to see you!
[1204.9s] Long time no see!
[1206.5s] I was all talk.
[1207.4s] It was all talk.
[1210.2s] I nudge Flynn with my head, I give him the mask.
[1216.5s] Why, don't we need to take it to like the council?
[1219.8s] Isn't that the, oh yeah, they do want the mask, that's right.
[1223.0s] To return them.
[1224.1s] One of the dragons, yeah, one of them definitely,
[1226.5s] they wanted at the end the masks returned to them.
[1229.8s] Plus it seems like, you know, we would just be attracting more and more dragons to us.
[1235.0s] And it'd be a good safe keeping spot for it.
[1237.7s] Yeah, it's his problem now.
[1239.0s] Nularaaaa, you begin to get your wits about yourself and you begin to stand up
[1244.7s] and you see that there are now a group of gold dragons swooping over the city
[1251.0s] and Protanther between you and your friends down at the end who are thankfully okay.
[1258.6s] I run to her to see if she's okay but I want to sneakily do something like,
[1265.1s] like she's not going to expect.
[1266.2s] I'm going to run over, I don't know how to play this out,
[1269.0s] I'm going to run over and I'm going to say like,
[1272.5s] oh my God, Nularaaaa, are you okay?
[1274.5s] But as I run up, I'm not going to stop and I'm going to take my big ass wolf teeth
[1279.1s] and I'm going to tear off her belt and get that dagger away from her
[1283.6s] as she's coming out of her like stupor.
[1285.8s] Okay, make a check and justify what check you're using.
[1290.9s] I will use athletics, I suppose.
[1293.5s] You're not, nobody's expecting this, I'll give you advantage.
[1296.6s] Oh, thank God, because I rolled a two.
[1298.8s] Two, that's only a six.
[1302.9s] So that's an eight.
[1304.8s] It's not great.
[1306.0s] So I'm running up to her in a, hey buddy, you okay?
[1311.6s] Like we saw you go down hard kind of way
[1315.4s] but instead of stopping short at her, I go like right to her
[1321.6s] and I tear off her belt without any like, or her like the sheath to her
[1327.0s] wherever she's keeping that demon.
[1329.3s] The old demon dagger.
[1330.7s] You run up and you say this and you jump for it
[1335.3s] and it's like you hit a wall with your mouth.
[1341.1s] Oh, I whimper.
[1343.0s] You grab hold of the sheath and you take 17 piercing damage
[1351.9s] as your mouth begins to bleed.
[1355.8s] Rude!
[1357.1s] And Nulara, as this happens, you feel a course of energy come from the blade
[1365.1s] as you see the two ruby gems glow on the blade
[1371.1s] and you gain 16 health from that.
[1376.1s] Aw, damn.
[1377.0s] So nice of you, Amy.
[1381.3s] Well, that didn't work.
[1383.8s] To say the least.
[1385.8s] I snarl and growl.
[1387.9s] Protanther looks down on you with a disgusted look.
[1391.0s] You're destroying villages and trying to steal your friend's things?
[1396.2s] Hey, that dagger bewitches her and makes her really stabby.
[1402.0s] You care to try to take it off her?
[1403.9s] No.
[1409.5s] Hey there, I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[1411.7s] Thanks for joining us for episode 59 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[1414.8s] The battle for Xomthal's Tower.
[1416.9s] It's intense, isn't it?
[1418.4s] Big thanks to our supporters and you supporting the supporters who support us.
[1421.4s] But if you want to support us directly, ha, keep up with that.
[1425.1s] You can join us in our Patreon community
[1427.8s] where we are growing every month and we are having a great time over there doing it.
[1431.4s] In fact, we just had our monthly gook hang yesterday.
[1434.5s] And if you want to come hang out with us, that's just $2 a month.
[1437.5s] But for $1 a month, you're definitely helping make the show better with every episode.
[1442.0s] Plus you get a whole backlog of monthly bonus episodes.
[1445.1s] New episodes come out on the 15th of every month.
[1448.2s] Plus you get little glimpses of all the other tears that we got going on there.
[1451.2s] So if you want to join us, we'd love to have you there though
[1453.4s] because we're building a great community with awesome people
[1455.9s] who love to chat about the show and about D&D.
[1458.7s] So check out all the details at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
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[1467.0s] or just the show in general to social media.
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[1473.6s] Talk to your friends and family about us.
[1475.5s] Or write a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever else you can write reviews.
[1480.7s] In fact, I believe it's the next episode,
[1483.0s] we got in a few special reviews and Tom said that we would
[1485.9s] read them on the show and that's what we're doing.
[1488.3s] So if you give us a review, we'll read them and we will thank you.
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[1495.5s] which will help the show grow, which will allow us to do bigger and better things
[1498.9s] and more fun and go to different places and all that stuff.
[1502.9s] I'm just very excited today about all this.
[1505.6s] All of our social media links and more about us and the show
[1508.2s] can be found at dumbdragons.com.
[1509.8s] I'm sorry if you can't follow this, I'm a little bit all over the place.
[1512.4s] So go check out the website and join, follow or like where you can today
[1515.4s] and a huge thank you to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere
[1518.9s] and music that you have heard in the episode today.
[1521.4s] Make sure you check them out at sirenscape.com to bring your games to life.
[1524.9s] Links for everything mentioned today, you know where to find it down in the description.
[1528.4s] The next episode will be out Wednesday, October 31st and you know what, that's Halloween!
[1532.6s] And we're starting a fun little two-part Halloween themed episode thing going on there.
[1538.0s] Make sure you hit that subscribe button if you don't already so you don't miss out on that.
[1541.4s] It's gonna be a blast!
[1543.4s] Let's dive back into the fray though and see if the adventures can save the day.
[1546.6s] Have a great week, we'll talk soon.
[1553.9s] Do you have any thoughts on how we can get rid of it?
[1556.9s] A cursed or possessed item usually has one thing that it needs.
[1561.7s] You just need to find out what that thing is.
[1566.0s] Well, luckily this talks to her.
[1567.4s] So, Nelora, you better start asking some questions because
[1570.8s] that was like the worst flossing experience of my life.
[1575.0s] Like a real aggressive dental hygienist just really got in there.
[1579.1s] I asked for no scaling, I got scaling.
[1581.5s] Is this really the most important thing you could be doing?
[1584.9s] Trusting one of my teammates is very important and I thought,
[1588.2s] using the element of surprise, I would be able to rid her of this affliction
[1592.3s] and make her a more useful part of our team.
[1595.0s] Wrong again, Elf.
[1596.4s] I appreciate you.
[1597.8s] I appreciate you trying to get rid of this cursed item off of me.
[1602.7s] Protanther, thank you for your help.
[1607.0s] Without you we would have certainly been dead.
[1609.0s] You most certainly would be.
[1610.8s] And you, Thaddeus, thank you.
[1612.5s] Yeah, he coughs a little bit as he's struggling to stand up.
[1621.0s] A lot of energy expenditure on that one there.
[1624.5s] Well, and plus you got stabbed in the heart recently, so.
[1628.6s] It was rough.
[1629.3s] Hence why we wanted to get rid of that dagger.
[1632.1s] Hey, I mostly healed him after that.
[1634.2s] I feel like I just saw you three days ago.
[1636.6s] Oh, it's been a few days.
[1638.6s] Perhaps it feels like it's been longer than it's actually been.
[1642.7s] Well, we got stuck in that maze over there that has a bunch of fun,
[1646.6s] like time situations going on in it.
[1649.1s] So, yeah, it's been a while.
[1651.1s] Makes sense.
[1652.0s] I think we have something for you.
[1654.6s] Oh, yeah, and I take the mask from off of my face
[1658.4s] as I'd been trying to hold it on there and I walk it over to him.
[1663.2s] Protanther reaches out taking the mask and begins inspecting it.
[1668.0s] It appears you have brought me a piece of blue wood.
[1671.4s] It's one of the dragon masks.
[1672.8s] Is that not what you want?
[1675.8s] I mean, we'll take it back.
[1678.1s] Protanther hands it back to you.
[1679.5s] Oh, my God.
[1681.3s] So this was not what we were looking for.
[1684.6s] What were you looking for?
[1686.1s] The blue dragon mask.
[1687.5s] Hmm.
[1689.1s] It's a very close replica, but.
[1692.2s] Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
[1694.4s] It contains none of the powers of the blue dragon mask.
[1699.2s] It appears you have been duped again by the very cult
[1702.3s] that has brought you so many issues before.
[1705.4s] I look up to the sky and I yell, Gwak!
[1708.4s] Gwak swoops down to you.
[1711.1s] Oh, we cuddle.
[1713.4s] I imagine it's like she like tackles you and.
[1716.7s] Yeah.
[1717.2s] Feathers of fur.
[1718.2s] Oh, yeah, for sure.
[1719.4s] Kisses.
[1720.2s] Perhaps you wild shape back into Thea during that.
[1725.0s] I hug her big time.
[1728.1s] Well, I mean, I don't know.
[1729.6s] I guess this was all a giant fucking waste of time
[1732.6s] then coming here for this mask.
[1735.4s] It certainly feels that way.
[1736.7s] We did get those cool diamonds, though.
[1741.5s] Good.
[1743.4s] I'm glad we've joined forces.
[1747.0s] Some extreme sarcasm coming from you.
[1752.6s] Yep, quite a bit.
[1755.7s] What else has been going on?
[1756.9s] We've been trapped in this maze and this tower
[1759.2s] for what feels like an eternity.
[1762.5s] Something like 12, at least 12 lengths of units of time.
[1770.2s] Truthfully, you left the nether mountains three days ago, so.
[1775.4s] The dragon council was three days ago?
[1777.9s] Yeah.
[1778.4s] Yeah, you spent.
[1782.5s] God damn it.
[1783.4s] Our timelines are so fucked up right now.
[1785.4s] You spent a night in Waterdeep with Grug
[1790.3s] and then you spent the day with the council talking to Varam.
[1795.1s] And then a day traveling on the airship.
[1796.6s] And then a day traveling and then half a day at most.
[1803.0s] Oh, God.
[1803.6s] In the maze, because each episode in the maze
[1808.5s] was only like six minutes.
[1812.1s] Because each scene was in battle and in encounter.
[1816.6s] So that's why I kept rolling for time, too,
[1818.6s] saying like 30 seconds to go down this,
[1820.9s] 60 seconds to go down this.
[1822.5s] So yeah.
[1823.8s] It hurts my brain.
[1826.3s] I just feel tired.
[1828.5s] I'm just so tired of the bottom line.
[1830.6s] But anyway, that means there hasn't been a lot of cult progress either.
[1837.5s] No.
[1838.0s] Hopefully.
[1838.6s] Since we last spoke, the council of Waterdeep came
[1841.2s] and made good on the promises that you made.
[1844.0s] And as such, you have earned our support.
[1847.4s] They have tasked our forces around Faerun as protectors.
[1851.3s] Fortunately for you, I was sent your direction.
[1854.7s] That was very fortunate for us.
[1856.7s] We really do appreciate the save.
[1858.8s] I'm like practically dying over here,
[1860.5s] and I'm not even being dramatic about it.
[1863.7s] Let's help this village put out some fires
[1866.5s] and see if there's a place to rest for a little while, maybe.
[1873.0s] Yes.
[1873.9s] That sounds like a very, very good idea.
[1876.3s] Yeah, a rest would be real advantageous.
[1879.9s] Do you want anything else of Protanther and the Gold Dragons?
[1883.4s] Just, you know, you keep doing you, buddy.
[1885.7s] Like you guys are doing a fantastic job.
[1887.8s] We really appreciate it.
[1890.5s] I mean, a few of the things you said was hurtful, sure.
[1892.5s] But I mean, all in all, I guess it all evens out
[1895.4s] considering you saved our lives.
[1896.7s] Yes, I did save your lives.
[1900.0s] Well, I hope we can return the favor in the coming battles.
[1906.3s] Felt right off.
[1907.0s] Yeah, right?
[1908.5s] He's not wrong.
[1909.3s] Wait to see you on the battlefield.
[1911.4s] But like as a friend, right?
[1913.0s] Like an ally.
[1914.6s] Naturally.
[1915.4s] Okay, all right.
[1916.4s] I do not wish to fight you because it would be such a weak fight.
[1920.9s] I wouldn't even break a sweat.
[1922.2s] Touche.
[1923.9s] I mean, hurtful, but Touche.
[1925.7s] But fair.
[1926.3s] Again, hurtful, but fair.
[1928.4s] That's accurate.
[1929.3s] That's fair.
[1930.6s] Oh, hey, Protanther, before you go,
[1933.4s] do you know anything about a devil named Taraz the Fair?
[1939.9s] You've been around a long time.
[1941.2s] Taraz the Fair was an elemental, not a devil.
[1946.2s] But I haven't seen or heard from him in a while.
[1948.6s] Yeah, he's in that tower.
[1950.4s] Well, he was known to cause a lot of mischief and pain to a lot of people.
[1956.5s] He's really not a great guy.
[1958.4s] Yeah, that's kind of the impression we got.
[1960.2s] I'm glad we left him there, then.
[1962.3s] Did seem like one of those ironic nicknames.
[1964.2s] Yes, he was fair.
[1965.4s] The Fair.
[1966.4s] But fair in a swift need to murder people.
[1970.5s] Mm hmm.
[1973.0s] It's like when they put the great, the end of like,
[1976.9s] they were great at murdering and beheading people.
[1979.8s] Yes.
[1980.5s] Yeah.
[1981.5s] Okay.
[1982.0s] So wait, does that mean like Ivan the Terrible was actually a good guy?
[1985.3s] No, I think that one was accurate.
[1987.1s] Okay.
[1987.7s] All right.
[1988.6s] If we could, we would like to rest for a while or maybe we could rest while we ride,
[1995.4s] but our airship unfortunately has been destroyed by these motherfucking awful red and blue dragons.
[2003.7s] Would it be possible for you to give us a lift back to Waterdeep?
[2009.3s] Of course I can.
[2010.6s] Is that where we're going?
[2011.9s] I'm just trying to look because we had like, you know, a list of things we wanted to do.
[2015.1s] It's just like a thousand pages of the maze.
[2019.7s] Because yeah, the options were Xanthal's Tower or Well of Dragons?
[2025.5s] Is that so?
[2026.2s] No, no, no.
[2026.6s] Red Wizards of Thay.
[2027.6s] The Wizards of Thay.
[2028.9s] Wizards of Thay.
[2029.8s] Wizards of Thay, yes.
[2031.8s] But I mean, we want to go back and report.
[2036.8s] Yeah, the way to get to Thay because it's so fucking far away was they had someone who
[2041.3s] was going to teleport the three of you there.
[2044.2s] Right, right, right, right, right.
[2045.2s] So you would have to return to Waterdeep.
[2048.7s] Because that's where their representative was.
[2050.4s] Okay, cool.
[2050.9s] I was good at remembering stuff.
[2053.3s] So we'll do a clean-up travel montage.
[2057.5s] So we go, yeah, and like be part of the Bucket Brigade.
[2063.3s] Thea and Guacamole fly with, I fly on her back with buckets of water to help
[2070.6s] put out fires on rooftops.
[2073.4s] I think that we will go...
[2078.0s] Donnie's real happy that he's so strong these days because he's big.
[2081.8s] So we're going to go kind of move debris out of the roadways and see if people
[2088.1s] are trapped anywhere.
[2089.8s] And he can actually use his big, big guy dragon muscles to be physically helpful
[2097.4s] in a way that he couldn't before.
[2098.9s] You managed to move several caravans and wagons off of trapped villagers,
[2106.6s] saving them.
[2107.4s] And from beneath rubble inside some of the houses,
[2111.4s] you're able to rescue some people as well.
[2115.3s] Flint and Thaddeus and Flamingons, tell me what they're doing.
[2119.1s] They're going to help me with various workings, whether it's wood or metal,
[2125.5s] in an effort to rebuild things for people that have lost everything, apparently.
[2130.3s] I've been working on the village.
[2134.5s] Oh, okay.
[2135.4s] I accidentally dump a bucket on top of Flamingons.
[2141.1s] Oh, God.
[2142.4s] Sorry, bitch.
[2144.8s] I don't think she's sorry.
[2145.9s] Do you?
[2146.7s] I definitely don't think she's sorry.
[2149.2s] God damn it.
[2150.6s] All right.
[2151.5s] Well, cool.
[2153.5s] Let's keep hammering.
[2156.5s] And you do so.
[2157.4s] And you manage to put out many fires throughout the village.
[2161.4s] And as you finish and it seems to be settled down,
[2165.6s] Protanther approaches you and says,
[2167.9s] All right.
[2169.1s] Are we ready to go, tiny people?
[2172.2s] Yes, giant dragon.
[2173.8s] Then come on.
[2175.1s] Hop on my back as demeaning as it is.
[2178.9s] I hug Guacamole like real tight around the neck,
[2182.8s] and I nuzzle my face against her beak.
[2185.9s] And I give her beak a little kiss, and I whisper, nap time.
[2196.8s] And then she turns back and I tuck it safely in my pocket.
[2203.4s] Perfect.
[2204.7s] You do that and you climb aboard Protanther,
[2207.2s] and he, with a few great beats of his wings,
[2211.5s] takes you up and off and back towards Waterdeep.
[2215.8s] Got anywhere you'd like to be scratched?
[2218.1s] Don't touch me.
[2219.6s] Okay.
[2220.6s] You spend a day flying back towards Waterdeep.
[2225.5s] And as you get to the outskirts of the area around Waterdeep,
[2231.2s] you see that when you left,
[2233.8s] there were lots of caravans going to Waterdeep.
[2236.2s] But now the city seems to be overflowing with people.
[2239.9s] There are tents and there are caravans, wagons,
[2243.1s] all set up around the perimeter of the city.
[2246.9s] The city can't physically take more people at this point.
[2252.1s] There are crude camps set up,
[2256.2s] people who look like they've been through wars themselves,
[2260.1s] battles themselves, women, children, and men
[2264.1s] of all different races coming to Waterdeep.
[2269.2s] Protanther lands you near King's Court,
[2273.0s] and you climb off, and he says,
[2276.8s] Until we join forces on the field of battle.
[2280.4s] And he beats his wings and heads back towards
[2284.6s] Zanthal's Tower and the area the gold dragons were designated to look after.
[2299.2s] Yes.
[2313.7s] So you know that the blue dragon mask has powers.
[2318.9s] But actually for white dragons.
[2321.4s] Oh.
[2323.6s] It's strange.
[2324.1s] They're color blind.
[2324.6s] I like that.
[2326.5s] Let me flip to their powers.
[2328.1s] I'll be right back while he's flipping to the powers page.
[2330.6s] Okay.
[2331.5s] Yep.
[2333.2s] Flip faster.
[2334.2s] Is it an Austin Powers page?
[2334.9s] Yeah, it is for our Austin Powers podcast.
[2338.6s] It's podcast, baby.
[2340.2s] Yeah.
[2342.4s] I mean, danger is his middle name.
[2346.8s] What did I miss?
[2347.4s] Did he get to the powers page?
[2349.4s] Yeah, you missed our Austin Powers podcast reference yet again.
[2352.2s] Oh man, that's such a good podcast.
[2354.1s] It's really topical too.
[2358.9s] Sorry, little side note.
[2361.0s] Just had to search.
[2362.8s] There are two podcasts, one called Austin Powers Minute,
[2366.2s] and then Il Podcast de Austin Powers.
[2369.0s] Spanish language podcast.
[2370.6s] That's fun.
[2371.9s] Austin Powers, baby, would be an okay one for us to take over.
[2375.8s] Yeah, good.
[2377.7s] Perfect.
[2379.8s] All right, next year.
[2382.0s] Special Patreon bonus episode.
[2384.6s] Us talking about Austin Powers.
[2386.4s] Has nobody seen in how many years?
[2389.8s] I know we'd have to watch it again and I bet it does not hold up.
[2393.8s] But let's get on the horn with Mike Myers.
[2396.6s] Get him to come out with a new Austin Powers.
[2399.0s] That way it'll be relevant.
[2400.3s] Do we want to unleash that on the world?
[2402.5s] I don't think we do.
[2404.6s] I don't want to be responsible for yet another Austin Powers.
[2407.4s] The first two, pure gold.
[2409.4s] Anything after that.
[2410.9s] Absolute garbage there.
[2412.0s] I said it on recording and everything.
[2415.6s] That's a good question.
[2420.9s] Also, I want to know if he puts on the mask, does it?
[2423.4s] Is it like gym clothes?
[2424.7s] I can't like get it off of my face.
[2427.8s] And I do a bunch of zany like physical stunts.
[2431.8s] And there's a cute dog.
[2433.1s] That's true.
[2434.2s] So as you're running, you're putting this mask to your face and you.
[2439.4s] Easy, Amy.
[2441.4s] Easy.
[2445.1s] I keep having the visual of like.
[2450.4s] Two page, but he says.
[2454.5s] What up, suckers?
[2456.6s] Long time no see.
[2458.3s] Remember me, bitches?
[2460.2s] He says.
[2462.6s] Russ is Googling.
[2463.7s] No, no, I'm not.
[2465.6s] Was Ivan the Terrible really that terrible?
[2469.7s] ALexa.
[2470.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.